The Same Page

         
  “I just want to make sure that we are on the same page.”

            Communication is difficult. Even when you are speaking the same language, even when you speak with a person on a regular basis, even then, communicating is a challenge. Good communication asks several things: that it be constant, that a person be humble, generous, and contemplative. Another important factor is the recognition that communication is ongoing, the goal is not to agree on a subject, it is not to find the ending, to close the book, but rather to begin to understand a person and how you may care for them.

            
           Though the word communication elicits the idea of talking, good communication rather is a balance of speech and quiet.

                   Speech from you, listening from you, speech from them, listening from them, and then, quiet for you both to ponder the spoken, and unspoken, things which have been shared. 

Good Communication: 

•       Constant
•       Humble
•       Generous
•       Contemplative

             And when all of that is accomplished there is still one more piece to the challenging exercise that is good communication: the realization that we may not, and probably will not, end up on the exact “same page”. But, that truly isn’t the goal.

            “I just want to make sure that we are on the same page,” I said to her. We were discoursing about another person, and my desire to know where they stood on a certain subject, and also wanting them to know my own stance. But I stopped myself, I knew at the moment I spoke them, though I was utilizing a common phrase, this combination of words lacked much reality. What helped me to this clarity was a memory. This long ago memory suddenly surfaced, and I realized how something that had once seemed inconvenient and frustrating had in fact taught me an excellent lesson. 

             Many years ago, several sisters and I happened to be interested in the same book series, at the same time. This proved to be a challenge for us as we could not purchase the books. So, we instead enjoyed the benefit of the Public Library’s assistance. The number of copies available were limited though, so we usually ended up with just one copy to share among all of us. We set a timer and a rotation, and took turns. And when we had to take a break from reading we were careful to ascertain which part in the book that each sister was on, because we did not want to ruin the enjoyment of the book for any of us. When we discovered the place in the story that we had all read up to, we could then safely discuss anything in the book previous to that. Once we understood which "page" everyone was on, we could then proceed with care.

            The "same page" phrase never seemed strange to me before, but now it seems such an odd statement. I am of the opinion that words, and combinations of words, lose their power and meaning if used too often and in too flippant a manner. I believe that words take great care, as do people.

           We don’t have to be on the same page, we rarely ever are. It is only important to me that I know which page someone else is on so that I may speak to them without “robbing them of their joy”, (I quote my Mother here).  I can hope that they will do the same for me, but that’s not really up to me. My desire is to communicate well, and to move forward, to continue to interact with a person, to understand where they are, so that I will know how I may be caring toward them. I will still radiate what I hold to be true, but I will choose my words carefully, so as to be kind, and not bring harm to a person.

            Communication is challenging, but the best things in life never come easy. I think that it's a challenge worthy of taking on, a skill worthy of honing, and though painful to practice, the reward is a good one.